How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated 2024 - 4 minutes read
You still remember him.
The guy you loved throughout high school, even though he never noticed you.
The musician in your favorite band, though you never met him.
The man with the incredible dating profile who stopped replying to your messages.
Whenever you're feeling lonely, nostalgic, or bored, thoughts of him come to mind.
You wonder what he’s doing now.
You speculate on what might have happened if you’d had the courage to make a move.
You ponder how different your life could be if you’d ended up together.
Will you ever meet someone like him again?
Or
was he the one, and you’ve lost your chance forever?
A Guy You’ve Never Met Can Break Your Heart
It might feel embarrassing to admit to having feelings for someone you never met or never had a relationship with.
How can a guy you never dated break your heart?
It seems irrational, right? Not at all.
Those feelings of loss and sadness are real.
You’re not fabricating your heartbreak.
As humans, we possess a unique ability to evoke emotions through imagination alone.
Think about the last movie you cried at or the sorrow you felt finishing a beloved book series, knowing your time with the characters was over.
Just because it’s fictional doesn’t make it less moving.
In some ways, the loss of a fantasy can be more challenging than a real-life loss.
Just ask children who’ve learned that Santa Claus isn’t real.
Our fantasies matter.
They offer comfort, add a touch of magic to our lives, help us envision new possibilities, and remind us how it feels to be desirable and wanted.
If you want to move past this man, then it’s your task to discover what that fantasy is telling you about what’s missing in your life—and pursue it.
Why We Fantasize
Fantasizing isn’t wasted time. It’s an essential first step in building a relationship.
You see a guy and instantly jump to conclusions about how wonderful he is.
You don’t know him well, but you just feel he’d be the perfect boyfriend.
You dream about what a relationship with him would be like.
These fantasies serve an important purpose.
They give you the courage to face the fear of rejection and initiate a connection.
Your certainty that you’d be great together keeps you trying despite obstacles.
In real-life relationships, the fantasy stage is destined to end. Either you get the brush-off from this guy and realize it won’t work, or you enter a relationship and discover he’s not as perfect as you thought. But what happens when you never get to find out if you’d be good together because you don’t see or talk to him again? You never get closure, and the fantasy stage never concludes.
Your Dream Man Never Lets You Down
Without a reality check, your dream guy remains perfect in your mind. You never see his annoying side. You never witness what he’s really like in a relationship. This is why losing a fantasy can be harder than losing reality. Your dream relationship surpasses all the real relationships you’ve ever had. Your dream man treats you like royalty. He says the things you’ve always longed to hear. The real-life men you’ve been with don’t measure up.
When a real-life man breaks your heart, you can remind yourself of his flaws. You can convince yourself it would have never worked out by listing everything wrong about the relationship. But your dream man never let you down. He never hurt or disappointed you. That’s why it’s so much harder to let him go.
How to Break Up with a Fantasy
If you can’t act on your dream man—because he’s no longer in your life or he’s unattainable—then recognize that your fantasies have reached a dead end. They can’t inspire you to do something about your attraction, so it’s up to you to find a new use for them.
What are your dreams about this man telling you about your own unmet needs?
Maybe you need more adventure, spontaneity, or romance.
Perhaps you’re craving connection or validation.
Is there a way to get what you crave in other ways?
Could you schedule more nights out with friends?
Could you treat yourself with flowers and chocolates?
Could you post affirmations to remind yourself how beautiful and special you are?
Remember, your dreams should inspire you. They shouldn’t hold you back. If you’re holding back in real life because of an unavailable man, get back out there. Real life is messy, imperfect, and sometimes disappointing, but it’s the only way to find the love you’re seeking.