A week is a long time in politics, and two weeks is a very long time when your job is to make jokes about politics. Stephen Colbert returned from his Fourth of July hiatus desperately in need of a haircut, but not in need of material.

"According to the Florida Department of Health, an oxymoron if there ever was one, the state reported 15,299 new COVID-19 cases yesterday," the Late Show host noted. "You know what? For safety's sake, let's just throw a condom over the whole state." (There's a visual of that particular image in the video, but whatever you're picturing is probably exactly right.)

For some reason, despite these figures, Disney World forged ahead with their plan to reopen.

"That is not safe," tutted Colbert. "Disney only has one Doc and he's already busy with Sleepy and Sneezy! Plus, the whole state's screwed because their governor's dopey."

Meanwhile, some ways north of the Panhandle Pandemic, the Trump White House is not coping well with the fact that people are rejecting their own narratives about their handling of the crisis in favor of, well, facts.

"So coronavirus cases are skyrocketing. But don't worry, because the White House is working hard on an aggressive new plan — to discredit Dr. Anthony Fauci," Colbert explained. "So, the guy you're undermining during a public health crisis is your top public health expert. That's like discrediting Lassie right when she starts barking. 'What is it, girl? Did Jimmy fall down the well? Why should I believe you? The president says you spend all your time licking your own butt.'"

Source: Mashable

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