To Unlock His Undying Devotion

You know that girlfriend of yours who has the perfect boyfriend?

The guy with the gorgeous floppy hair, quirky smile, and big heart devoted entirely to one person and one person only:

His girlfriend.

You’re so glad she found him, but honestly?

You are so insanely jealous. It’s hard to stop watching them. The way he’s so attentive to her needs. The way they seem to share thoughts without speaking. The way he wraps his arms around her so tightly it’s like they’re one body. Watching them makes you ache. Because the guy at your side doesn’t treat you like that.

It’s not that your guy isn’t wonderful. Of course he’s wonderful. It’s more…

How he treats you. He treats you like someone he’s gotten used to.

You know he doesn’t wake up in the morning pinching himself for being lucky enough to snag someone like you.

But you bet that’s what this other guy does. You can see it in his eyes.

The pleasure that radiates from his smile every time he looks at the woman he loves.

So you ask her—half-joking, half-hoping—if he has any brothers. She just laughs.

“Nah, that’s not what you need.” She leans towards you and glances around to make sure no one’s listening. “Want to hear a secret?”

You nod eagerly.

She whispers, “Our relationship was just like everyone else’s before. But then I found out about this crazy secret. It’s from this relationship coach named James Bauer. It’s, like, the key to unlocking men.”

You nod even more vigorously, but she’s stopped talking. You follow her gaze across the room. Her boyfriend is holding up a drink, asking her wordlessly if she wants one. She shakes her head, blows him a kiss, and turns back to you. “So, do you want to know what it is?”

“Yeah!” you say. “If it will help me and my guy read each other’s minds, like you two just did.”

“Okay, then listen closely…”