The definition of self-love:

What is self love? It’s a popular word that is thrown around often enough that people know about it. Yet at the same time, do you know the definition of self-love? Usually, when you can’t define a word, you it means you don’t understand it enough.

According to the dictionary, the definition of self-love is the “regard for one’s well-being and happiness”. Traditionally, self-love implied selfishness and arrogance, or the disregard for anyone’s happiness and benefit but one’s own. The concept of self-love became much more positive only recently. You can read more about it here.

The modern definition of self-love is about “respecting oneself”, as well as understanding our own strengths and weaknesses. However, in relation to the concept of mental health and wellbeing, I think self-love is also about unconditional acceptance of oneself as one truly is.

Let me explain.

What self-love isn’t:

#1 Being selfishness

Likewise, accepting and understanding yourself won’t make you more selfish; on the contrary, it might you less selfish. When you are content with yourself, you are less likely to feel the need to prioritise yourself over others.

#2 Thinking you’re perfect

Self-love also isn’t about arrogance. You can unconditionally love yourself but still be humble. Those who are humble seek ways to improve yourself, develop better habits and be a better person. Saying “I know I’m selfish but I won’t improve because I love myself just the way I am” is not exactly what self-love is about. It is far more progressive and positive to think instead that you love yourself regardless of your personality, but that you should strive towards being a better person.

#3 Loving your strengths instead of yourself

It’s great to feel proud and be confident of your strengths, but you shouldn’t love yourself because of them. In fact, thinking you love yourself because of your strengths can lead to low self-esteem and a break in confidence if you have any reason to doubt your strengths.

For instance, don’t love yourself because you think you have a great body. Does that mean that you won’t love yourself if you happen to gain weight? If so, then that isn’t unconditional self-love.

#4 Loving your achievements instead of yourself

Similar to loving your strengths, thinking you love yourself because of your achievements can be harmful to your mental health as well – particularly if you happen to fail one day.

Let me give you an example. Imagine that you are great and running. You have won every competition so far and you are proud of how fast you are. Then one day, someone beats you at running. You feel embarrassed, angry and shocked that you are no longer number 1, which causes you to doubt your capabilities. You loved yourself because you thought you were good at running. And now you’re not so sure anymore.

See how this leads to a lack of self-confidence? You can and should feel proud of your achievements, but you shouldn’t let that be the reason you love yourself.

In other words, don’t let your strengths and your achievements define you. You should love yourself unconditionally, regardless of whether you fail or your personality. If we are love ourselves, we are more likely to see our failures or weaknesses as areas to improve upon rather than a setback. When we love ourselves, we would view our strengths and achievements as something to be proud of, rather than a quality which allows us to love ourselves.

So far we’ve established what self-love isn’t. Now let’s talk about:

What self-love is

Quite simply, loving oneself is just that. To love yourself. But this is much easier said than done of course. Here’s a simpler way of looking at it.

#1 Understanding oneself

This refers to the ability to recognise your strengths and weaknesses, and being able to reflect on your personality and how it impacts your decisions, values and priorities. Having a clear understanding of oneself will pave way for deeper self-reflection and constant improvement.

#2 Respecting oneself

Cherish and value what you are and what you are good at. Think of having respect for a teacher, and elderly or even a friend. If you respect someone, you wouldn’t insult them, mistreat them, or think that they are useless. That’s exactly how you should treat yourself.

#3 Being confident in your own skin

Stand up for yourself, be proud of who you are and don’t be afraid of showing others. Being confident (but not arrogant) is one way of being comfortable and content with yourself. Show you’re confident by smiling often, speaking clearly and most importantly, speak up for yourself. Don’t let someone else overshadow you or speak over you.

#4 Unconditional love

The easiest way to imagine unconditional self-love is a mother’s love to her children. No matter their flaws and capabilities, achievements or failures, a mother would still love her children unconditionally. Whilst she hopes her children can be good people and be successful, her love doesn’t change no matter what happens.

Likewise, you should love yourself unconditionally. Despite what other people think of you and regardless of any setbacks or failures, you must trust that you will be able to overcome it. You can only trust and support yourself if you love yourself.

Perhaps, it is harder to understand the concept of self-love much more than the concept of love itself. This may be because we tend to criticise and view others differently from ourselves. Because of this, understanding the definition of self-love is not enough. You should also understand how to practice it.

Well, self-love may a hard concept to grasp and understand, but it is essential to improve our mental wellbeing, boost our self-esteem and help us see the world in a more positive light.

Read more on self-love

• Or read my story on how I discovered what self-love was

Featured Image by Geralt on Pixabay