I get a lot of panicked emails from wives who are filled with anxiety at the thought that once their husband moves out, this is really the first step toward divorce. I can understand this as I once experienced this situation and felt the same way. You fear that once your husband is no longer in your sight and you're no longer seeing him on a daily basis, you can't know (or have any control over) what he's thinking, what's he's doing, or how he's feeling as it relates to you and the marriage. In short, this is marital no man's land. And, it's not a fun place to be. The lack of control and the not knowing cause so much anxiety and assuming of the worst. Again, this is understandable.

I'm not trying to convince you that having a husband under a different roof is a good thing. It sometimes isn't (although it sometimes works out to be a positive.) However, I know from experience that it doesn't have to be the end. And, you don't have to let it force you to act in such a way that only paints you in a more negative (and therefore less endearing) light. There is a way to play this that gives you the best odds of saving your marriage. I'll discuss this more below.

Respect And Acknowledge His Need To Be Happy And His Need For Space:

First off, the worst thing that you can do right now is to tell your husband that's he's wrong, or jumping the gun, or just trying to punish you, or is being petty, selfish, immature, or all of those other adjectives that we like to fling about when we're desperate. You may well have a right to feel this way and you're descriptions may well be accurate. But, no one likes to be treated like a child. And, if he feels that he's right deep down, he's only going to try that much harder to prove you wrong. Understand that this is a losing game and save your rage or harsh words for when you are with a trusted friend or when you are alone.

The best thing that you can do is to tell him that you BOTH deserve to be happy. Tell him that you love him and want this for him. Admit that things aren't the greatest between you and you could understand why he wants some space and distance. Tell him that you hope that these things allow him to see that the relationship, though not perfect, is worth trying to save. (You don't need to dwell on this part or to keep harping on it, but you should mention it.) And, you should also wrap up by saying that you will support him as he evaluates his life and what it would take to improve it. Promise that you won't do anything that would impede this progress.

Once you've done this and the tension is not so thick and every one has calmed down, (and once you sense that he would be more receptive,) you can offer to allow him this space without his needing to actually move out. You could offer to stay with family and friends. You could offer to be the one to leave, or you could offer to give him his space in your own home (where one of you sleeps in the guest room.) Now, you have to be willing to actually do these things once you offer them up (and you have to actually give him the space and leave him alone and to not question him constantly.) This is often a decent compromise for both people as he's really just wanting the space to sort this out without the distraction of seeing you around every corner.

Husband moved out will he come back: My husband is moving out, but i want to save the marriage.

Knowing Your Objective If He Wants To Move Out:

The biggest mistake that I see many people make is that they allow feelings of fear and self doubt to take over and they forget what they are trying to achieve in the first place. Your goal right now is that once your husband takes this space and time out, he uses it to realize that he misses you. At the end of the day, you want him to realize that he would be better off and happier with you than without you. So tread lightly and be careful not to allow the last images of you that he takes with him to be of someone who is angry, belittling, condescending, combative, or is just not acting like the mature, loving spouse that you are.

It's important though that you balance this with respect for yourself and your OWN happiness, not just his. There is a fine line between telling him that you want him to be happy and neglecting your own happiness. Being someone who is too accommodating isn't attractive either. You don't want to throw yourself under the bus or push down your feelings just because you think you're sacrificing yourself for him. If you show that you don't respect yourself or that you don't think that your feelings matter every bit as much as his, he's only going to follow your lead. And, you're only presented as someone who is a second class citizen in this marriage.

You don't want that. You want to show him that you're an attractive, fun, and lighthearted person who brings him up rather than pushing him down. So use this "break" to your own benefit. Be with people who love and support you. Try to do what makes you happy and energized. Make sure that you put this on full display for him to see, but don't be so obvious about it that he thinks you're only trying to get his attention. You want him to remember this new, compassionate, self respecting, light hearted, open version of you while he is taking his break. Basically, you want to paint yourself in the best possible light and use the advantage that you've always had - your knowledge of what he loves about you and what he responds to - in order to draw him back in.

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