I run a business and I feel exhausted and exploited by employees — Ask a Manager

I currently lead a manufacturing business that I co-founded. Because a previous related business failed in the recession, we have been in the trenches, at the coal face, behind the plough — whatever metaphor you prefer — for over a decade now. The current venture turned its first profit recently, but all this time, the owners have taken care of everyone by taking colossal personal debt and making incredible sacrifices, including working ourselves an average of 60 hours a week.

Still, we have always managed to pay our staff on time and to increase wages and benefits gradually even when the business was faring pretty badly, insulating them from our woes. We try to personally support employees and to make sure they feel secure, keep growing and that the culture stays safe, healthy, and dynamic.

We also make a deliberate effort to observe the unwritten rules of “bosshood.” We stayed silent when a crazy ex-employee was badmouthing us around town. We ignore the occasional unfair online review, take on the feedback, and hope that the other reviews will balance out the story. We settle final pay cheerfully and promptly for employees who have delivered no value we can detect. We bend over backwards to place star employees we cannot keep. In short, the company aims to keep the moral high ground, no matter what.

But frankly, we feel exhausted and exploited. We know that employees far outnumber employers in the world, so our side of the story is seldom told. So we don’t expect kudos. But how about mere professionalism and reciprocal human decency?

It seems to us that the culture fails to acknowledge employees can be psychotic bullies who victimize employers. Who decided that the employee is always right? Don’t both sides have responsibility to be fair, sane, and cordial? Where does my responsibility as a “good” employer start and end? Please help us make sense of this.

Of course both sides have a responsibility to be fair, sane, and cordial. And I’d bet that you’re getting that from a majority of your employees, and it’s only a small number who don’t hold up their side of the bargain. If that’s not the case, then there’s something you need to correct in your hiring practices, or there are problems in your workplace that you’re not seeing.

Ultimately, though, you’re treating people well not out of pure altruism but because it’s the right thing to do and because it’s better for your business in the long-term.

The things you name like staying silent when a former employee is badmouthing you, ignoring the occasional unfair online review, and settling up on pay promptly for employees who haven’t contributed much — those things are in your best interest. You don’t just do them to be nice. You do them because it makes business sense. You don’t (usually) strike back when a former employee is badmouthing you because that would make you look petty and less credible. You ignore an occasional bad review because responding looks defensive and weird. And you settle up quickly on pay because you’re legally required to, no matter what you think of a person’s work product. These are all things that benefit you; they’re not favors to anyone.

The same thing goes for things like increasing wages (keeps you competitive and lets you attract and retain good employees, which your business needs) and treating people well (same).

It is frustrating that sometimes as the employer you have to take the high road. Sometimes you will feel tempted to explain to your employee that their coworker who’s complaining she was treated unfairly did horrible work, was warned repeatedly, and was given 10 different chances before you finally let her go. I’ve been there — I get it. But again, it’s in your best interests in the long run not to be an employer who airs people’s private work situations. Whatever you gain in momentary satisfaction from telling your side of the story, you’ll lose in long-term trust and respect from the people you tell it to, and that in term will impact your ability to manage people effectively, hire and retain good people, and generally get the results you need.

But the most important thing is this: as an employer, power is stacked heavily in your favor. You control people’s paychecks. You influence their professional advancement. You even have influence over what jobs they can get when they leave you because you control their references. The amount of power you have versus the amount of power an individual employee has is huge. So even if you feel an employee is treating you poorly, you are not being exploited. You can’t be exploited when you have most of the power.

That power advantage also comes with different responsibilities. Because of the power differential, it makes sense that you’re held to a different and higher bar.

It sounds like you’re exhausted — who wouldn’t be after a decade of sacrificing yourself to keep a business running? That’s tremendously hard work, and it’s legitimately exhausting. But it also sounds like your exhaustion is coming out as frustration at things that are realities of running a business and employing humans.

It sounds, too, like you feel unappreciated, and I get that — but you own the business. Your rewards are supposed to be greater than appreciation, and if they’re not, it could be time to rethink what you’re doing. Meanwhile, though, if lack of appreciation is mixing with exhaustion … well, that’s going to magnify the exhaustion tenfold. I’m tired just thinking about it.

So you’re exhausted, feeling unappreciated, emotionally drained, maybe financially drained too. You’re at very high risk of burn-out, if you’re not burned out already. Normally I’d tell someone in that position to take a real vacation — ideally at least two weeks where you truly disconnect — but that might not even feel like an option for you if you have to be there to run things. Still, though, I’d try hard to make it happen. You need time where you can step back from the day-to-day pressures of your work and get to be the non-work version of you for a sustained period of time. This might all feel very different if you can do that.

Source: Askamanager.org

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