For the past seven years, my husband has been a stay-at-home dad for our four children — ages 19, 14, 7, and 5. He used to have a full-time job as an electrical project engineer but left it when our third child was born and my maternity leave was ending. Since then, I've been able to build a business that made just under $550,000 last year.

We're both incredibly hardworking and committed to providing for our family's needs. But we both feel the effects of our individual focuses. Even though I work full time, I still feel it's important for me to take on some parenting and household responsibilities.

When it comes to "chore wars" between male and female spouses, I believe strongly in domestic equity — both partners should be contributors to a household with shared decision-making and an equitable division of responsibilities. Here's how my husband and I split the chores.

Our family might be considered unique when it comes to work and household labor

My husband is responsible for most childcare-related responsibilities, household tasks and curveballs, medical issues, school communications, homework help, lunches, carpooling, and sports coaching.

He also handles the following:

Morning routines and getting everyone up and out the door.Cooking three meals a day for our entire family.Folding and putting away our laundry.All outdoor and home maintenance, including repairs, lawn and garden work, and any major projects.All auto needs.All bill paying, account management, renewals, and service inquiries.Taking the lead on tidying up.Arranging babysitters.

Some other things he's 100% responsible for that might be atypical for men but not for a stay-at-home mom include:

Scheduling playdates.Purchasing gifts for holidays and children's birthday parties.Scheduling medical and dental visits and taking kids to doctor appointments.Volunteering in the classroom.Registering the kids for all sports, camps, and extracurricular and religious programs (he just signed up to be a summer-camp leader for the kids).Scheduling and attending weekend events and family outings. I also help with daily tasks

Our approach has primarily been shaped by ongoing, open communication about our family's needs and our individual capacities. This continuous dialogue helped us gradually find a balance that works for us. Our division of chores has evolved over time, but my usual housework includes the following:

Meal planning and grocery shopping.Taking the lead on deep cleaning and organizing.Doing the laundry.Planning vacations.

The 10% of household chores I consistently handle also include daily tasks like loading the dishwasher, clearing the dinner table, and assisting with bedtime routines when I'm home. With four kids and their varying schedules, I also step in whenever we face overlapping commitments and need to be in two places at once.

When my job is busier, it amplifies the trade-offs in our family dynamics

I traveled to 13 states in October. I worked 13- to 15-hour days and sacrificed weekends and sleep. It was one of the most demanding seasons of my career, and my entire family felt the demands of my relentless third-quarter and fourth-quarter travel schedule.

This grueling period tested my resilience and our family dynamics, particularly as my husband stepped up to manage our home life. For days and weeks at a time, my husband was effectively a single parent. It wasn't easy when I finally returned home.

My presence disrupted the "new norm" created in my absence. It showed up in moments like when I was joining the walk to school with our second grader, who sometimes has separation anxiety. She would refuse to go into the school building on the days that I came along — especially the first day after I returned home. It was a stressful start to the day, and the other kids would then be late to their schools. It changed their routine and created an unintended interruption.

My reentry can be either a smooth addition or a brief disruption. It usually takes a few days for us all to adjust and find our rhythm again. Essentially, I'm adapting to the family's steady pace each time I come back. This new dynamic brought up a lot of internal insecurities for me, causing me to evaluate my intrinsic value to this family.

I wondered, 'Am I just a paycheck?'

While being a provider is critical to everyone's needs, I have to sacrifice parenting aspects and have the added pressure to succeed on the provider front. I started to wonder if I was just a paycheck.

It can be tough to be the "second choice" parent — whether it's when one of my older kids confides in my husband with a problem or my little kids want my husband to do the bedtime routine.

When things like this happen, I have to step back and evaluate whether our family dynamics are working. But I believe we're doing what is 100% right for our family at this time and for the past eight years. I've never considered changing our situation — rather, I find myself wondering how I can "do more" or prioritize more balance in my days and weeks.